Big Sister Instinct

She is already extremely observant of everything that goes on around her. Now in the middle of my seventh month of pregnancy, I have more physical challenges (and surprises, not always good ones). So, whenever I draw my breath in quickly or hold my belly, Madeline says, "Baby Grant moving!"

Another great Madeline Line

Yesterday, she tells me all the things in the house not to "wee-wee" on...I don't have a clue as to what made her decide to give me such instructions. But the best one on the list was, "Mommy, don't wee-wee on my rooster seat!" (which happens to be her booster seat.)

Belly Laughs

I just could not stop laughing today, at Madeline and her hilarious stories and expressions. And sometimes I think I'm the only one who thinks she's hilarious because I'm with her all day long, but imagine my joy when I saw her make the pediatrician and nurse laugh just as hard as I do. It's not that what she said was so profound, but she speaks with such passion and articulation that she blows people away. They're constantly asking me, "She's only 2?"

And just the other night, she had me in stitches because she and Nathan were playing hide-and-seek. He'd run and hide and she would ask me, "Where Daddy go?" I'd point her in the right direction and she'd say, "I go find her." Yes, she has her gender pronouns mixed up. And hearing her talk about her daddy as a "she" just about threw me into preterm labor. Not so funny to people on the outside, but I love the laughter we share inside our home. It's our private little world, and I enjoy the warmth of the intimacy we share together as a family.

Gestational Diabetes

This term meant little to me until yesterday. Actually, last week I failed my glucose test for the second time and was told that I would need to meet with a nutritionist and diabetes specialist to get educated on the next steps to take to ensure a healthy pregnancy. I thought mainly what it meant was that I had to cut out all sweets - which isn't too horrible with only 11 weeks left. However, I sat through a 4-hour information session where I learned that I have to draw my blood 4 times a day, eat six (very strict) meals a day and keep logs of my blood sugar levels. I was also informed that in order to keep it under control (in other words, not go into pre-term labor), I need to exercise daily, stick to the meal plan and rest much. Those things in and of themselves are not difficult to do, but I just felt completely overwhelmed by all the information and some fear about what that means for my tiny son inside of me. That was probably the hardest part, was wondering if my baby is okay, of which I've been reassured that he is okay because of the strict measures we're taking at this point. I don't even know why I'm blogging about this, except that I need to express what a shock it was. I have to keep reminding myself that the Lord knew all along that this was going to happen and He also knows the outcome of my situation. I have to trust Him, knowing that His unconditional love for me is the only thing that sustains me.

I'm not sad today...I'm happy that this is my wake-up call to the reality of needing to control better what I put into my body, especially being pregnant. The Lord has been gracious to me with both of my pregnancies. Things could be a lot worse. I'm just grateful that I have the opportunity to turn things around right now.

Here and Now

I realized this morning that I want to enjoy every moment with Madeline, whether difficult or delightful. I know that this may not be realistic all the time, but I don't want my own feelings of tiredness or irritability to get in the way of experiencing her in the moment. Nor do I want my concerns for the future or regrets from the past to interfere with the joy I have in spending every day with her. She looks at me and her eyes light up. She gives me "lovies" when I need them most. She watches and learns from me, and I want her to know that I love her beyond words. I want to enjoy her every moment, remembering how excited I was to bring her home from the hospital and how excited I am every morning to wake up and see her smiling face, hearing her soft voice say, "Good morning, Mommy."

Bra already?

I dressed Madeline today in a little red skirt with a white tank top that has spaghetti straps. She admired her outfit in the mirror and said, "This is my bra...I'm just like Mommy" (touching her spaghetti straps).

Silly question

"Mommy lay with you?"

Madeline's favorite question at bedtime.

So after lying with her and listening to her talk and talk about all that was important to her at that moment, I said, "Okay, Madeline. It's time to lie down and stop talking now."

She laughed out loud and said, "No, Mommy! That's a silly question!!"

I didn't even know how to respond, so I just laughed out loud with her.

Thank you, Nana!

Last week I called my mom crying, "Why does Maddie have to throw tantrums?" Her answer was, "Because she's two." What I appreciated most about our conversation was that my mom was proud of the way I handled the tantrums, as I described every gory detail. She said that the tantrums were not a reflection of my parenting, nor should I view them as who won/lost the battle. That statement alone helped me to realize that my job isn't to "win" these tantrum battles, but to be consistent in setting and following through with the boundaries and expectations Nathan and I have established (and continue to establish through trial and error).

But more than that, my mom was willing to drop everything and come to pick up Madeline for a few days. Not because Maddie's a horrible child, but because my mom knows when her own "baby" needs a little help.

She did pick her up the next day, and this little break has been helpful more than she will ever know. I miss Maddie very much and can't wait to see her tomorrow when she returns home from a very fun and memorable weekend with her grandparents and uncles. Thank you for loving Madeline so much to just sweep her away for a few days.



Mom, you really came through in more ways than one and I can't tell you how much it means to hear again that you think I'm a good mom.

This morning, Maddie and I were eating breakfast and she said out of nowhere, "I not beautiful." I responded with all the reasons why she IS beautiful, ending with the fact that Jesus made her to be a beautiful child. She said, "No, I not a child. I'm a beast!"

I think we've been reading too many Disney books.

Menopausal, Schizophrenic Toddler

My mother-in-law has shared with me before about a study done a few years ago, where they compared brain patterns of menopausal women, schizophrenics and toddlers. The results? All three had similar brain patterns...surprising? Not really. It explains a lot of the toddler drama in my house lately.