24 February 2010
22 February 2010
you've watched the "Cars" movie too much when...
You over hear your two-year-old say, "She likes me for my body!"
20 February 2010
rethinking my game plan
I have a super adorable child who hugs and kisses me without restraint, who asks me to sleep with him and sing songs until he gets sleepy, who says, "Okay, Mom" when I ask him to do something.
Then there's the other side of Evan.
If you tell him "no" when he has his mind on doing it anyway, watch out. I took all three kids to the eye doctor for Madeline's first eye exam. We hadn't been there even 10 minutes when Evan got upset because, well, now I can't even remember what it was that bothered him so much. I told him to settle down and he looked at me, pointed and said, "No chocolate YOU!" He was letting me know that I was not getting any chocolate for the way I was handling him. And what could I say to that? What I wanted to do was hand out chocolate to the other kids and eat a handful of it myself right in front of him and then see what his response would be. That was my childish fantasy - mostly because I was embarrassed of his behavior because of how it was reflecting on me.
He calmed down for a little bit until it was time to clean up the toys and leave. He started screaming, swinging at me, stiffening his body, and then proceeded to take off both of his shoes and throw them. And I'm trying to pay for the doctor visit, gather the other two kids, protect my growing belly from the flying shoes, and inside I was seething that this little monkey was acting so wildly.
I carried him out of the office over my shoulder while he screamed profanity (two-year-old style, of course, telling me I could have no chocolate) and I was thinking of how I was going to handle him once inside the car. I couldn't lecture him because he can't listen that long or comprehend paragraphs of how he needs to change his behavior. I didn't want to resort to a swat because he was beyond out of control and it would have done no good. I was wondering what my other two were thinking of the situation - was their baby brother getting away with murder when they know exactly how they're expected to behave. I sometimes condemn myself because I lack the energy to be consistent in disciplining and guiding this little one who has such life and energy inside him, while at the same time has so much anger and frustration when he doesn't get his way? Which is every single day, by the way. No exaggeration.
I went to the library today and picked up a copy of The Strong-Willed Child by Dr. Dobson...already read the intro. He says that most of us feel bewildered when we find ourselves watching our little ones fight against us and we wonder how we got here. He says that reacting without a game plan is like landing a plane at night without runway lights. How true. I know that books don't solve everything, but hopefully it will help shed light on how I can better deal with and handle these daily meltdowns.
My other resolution is to pray for him every day. I have been praying for him before he wakes up and after he falls asleep at night. They're short, simple prayers: Lord, please give me wisdom in connecting with Evan. Help me to discipline and guide him without crushing his little spirit.
Then there's the other side of Evan.
If you tell him "no" when he has his mind on doing it anyway, watch out. I took all three kids to the eye doctor for Madeline's first eye exam. We hadn't been there even 10 minutes when Evan got upset because, well, now I can't even remember what it was that bothered him so much. I told him to settle down and he looked at me, pointed and said, "No chocolate YOU!" He was letting me know that I was not getting any chocolate for the way I was handling him. And what could I say to that? What I wanted to do was hand out chocolate to the other kids and eat a handful of it myself right in front of him and then see what his response would be. That was my childish fantasy - mostly because I was embarrassed of his behavior because of how it was reflecting on me.
He calmed down for a little bit until it was time to clean up the toys and leave. He started screaming, swinging at me, stiffening his body, and then proceeded to take off both of his shoes and throw them. And I'm trying to pay for the doctor visit, gather the other two kids, protect my growing belly from the flying shoes, and inside I was seething that this little monkey was acting so wildly.
I carried him out of the office over my shoulder while he screamed profanity (two-year-old style, of course, telling me I could have no chocolate) and I was thinking of how I was going to handle him once inside the car. I couldn't lecture him because he can't listen that long or comprehend paragraphs of how he needs to change his behavior. I didn't want to resort to a swat because he was beyond out of control and it would have done no good. I was wondering what my other two were thinking of the situation - was their baby brother getting away with murder when they know exactly how they're expected to behave. I sometimes condemn myself because I lack the energy to be consistent in disciplining and guiding this little one who has such life and energy inside him, while at the same time has so much anger and frustration when he doesn't get his way? Which is every single day, by the way. No exaggeration.
I went to the library today and picked up a copy of The Strong-Willed Child by Dr. Dobson...already read the intro. He says that most of us feel bewildered when we find ourselves watching our little ones fight against us and we wonder how we got here. He says that reacting without a game plan is like landing a plane at night without runway lights. How true. I know that books don't solve everything, but hopefully it will help shed light on how I can better deal with and handle these daily meltdowns.
My other resolution is to pray for him every day. I have been praying for him before he wakes up and after he falls asleep at night. They're short, simple prayers: Lord, please give me wisdom in connecting with Evan. Help me to discipline and guide him without crushing his little spirit.
18 February 2010
hard to admit
I have a short temper. I hate to admit this because it goes against my perfectionistic tendencies and it forces me to once again face one of my worst attributes. But it is something that I am working on, only with the help of the Lord.
I've been reading Neil Anderson's book on anger and realizing that I have forgotten who I am in Christ. I am no longer a slave to my sinful nature, I have been promised that I am a new creation in Christ. I am under the authority and power of Christ. But there is still a spiritual battle taking place for my soul. This is where I have become discouraged and allowed myself to stop fighting. I still slip up but I am experiencing a new freedom in my relationship with the Lord. I will make mistakes, but I don't have to wallow in them. I confess them, ask for His forgiveness, receive it, ask for forgiveness from those I've hurt and continue to walk in His Spirit - not my own strength. It's been a very freeing process. I still hurt when I allow my anger to get the best of me, and, in turn, to hurt those around me who I love so much. But I see that it is much less than even a few months ago.
But I didn't realize that Madeline has also seen a change in me too.
Madeline: "Mom, you haven't cried in a long time."
Me: "I haven't? Hmmm...when do I usually cry?"
Madeline: "After you yell at me."
Me: "Have I yelled at you?"
Madeline: "No...not for a long time."
That conversation was both difficult to swallow and encouraging at the same time. It's hard to face our sin, but easier when looking back on it realizing that the Lord is helping us progress in His perfect time.
I've been reading Neil Anderson's book on anger and realizing that I have forgotten who I am in Christ. I am no longer a slave to my sinful nature, I have been promised that I am a new creation in Christ. I am under the authority and power of Christ. But there is still a spiritual battle taking place for my soul. This is where I have become discouraged and allowed myself to stop fighting. I still slip up but I am experiencing a new freedom in my relationship with the Lord. I will make mistakes, but I don't have to wallow in them. I confess them, ask for His forgiveness, receive it, ask for forgiveness from those I've hurt and continue to walk in His Spirit - not my own strength. It's been a very freeing process. I still hurt when I allow my anger to get the best of me, and, in turn, to hurt those around me who I love so much. But I see that it is much less than even a few months ago.
But I didn't realize that Madeline has also seen a change in me too.
Madeline: "Mom, you haven't cried in a long time."
Me: "I haven't? Hmmm...when do I usually cry?"
Madeline: "After you yell at me."
Me: "Have I yelled at you?"
Madeline: "No...not for a long time."
That conversation was both difficult to swallow and encouraging at the same time. It's hard to face our sin, but easier when looking back on it realizing that the Lord is helping us progress in His perfect time.
17 February 2010
a good cry
Yesterday, I wrestled Evan down to give him a haircut. I pulled out Nathan's clippers and forgot how much pain they seem to bring to my boys. I think they get stuck and sometimes pull their hair. That's when the screaming starts. Haircuts for both boys end up being almost $40 a pop, so I thought I'd be a great money-saving-mom and do it myself. What I didn't prepare myself for was how strong my 2-year-old is. Wow. He was all over the place and I was determined just to finish, hug him after it was all over and give him a few pieces of chocolate. And no, I see nothing wrong with bribing my children with sweets. Right in the middle of our wrestling match, Evan tries to push the clippers away and accidentally knocks the attachment off the clippers, sending the clippers up the side of his head, almost resembling a little lightning bolt strip of hair missing. I sat there shocked - listening to my son scream, the clippers still going and staring at this horrible strip of hair missing from his head. It was too much for my pregnancy hormones to handle. I grabbed the phone and called Nathan at work and cried my eyeballs out for about 5 minutes. Thankfully, he didn't laugh at me until much later in the day after he got home, when I was able to laugh at it. He was trying to be so encouraging when he actually saw Evan's hair - "It looks really good. You can hardly see it." Even though he called Evan "Lightning McQueen" for the nice lightning strip on the side of his head.
Grant asked, "I thought you were going to cut my hair, Mom?" Nope. I'm going to splurge on haircuts from now on. Mommy's hormones can't deal with wrestling matches and lightning bolt strips on the side of the head.
Grant asked, "I thought you were going to cut my hair, Mom?" Nope. I'm going to splurge on haircuts from now on. Mommy's hormones can't deal with wrestling matches and lightning bolt strips on the side of the head.
11 February 2010
baby in my belly
Evan plopped down on my lap, a little too close to my growing belly. I reminded him to "be careful around mommy's belly so we don't hurt the baby." He stood up and looked at me, actually at my belly, and asked to see the baby. So I lifted my shirt and pointed, "Here's the baby in mommy's belly." He stared for a minute and then lifted up his shirt and pointed, "Baby in my belly too!"
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