victory together

hello sweet madeline!

it's been a rough few days for you, for some reason. you've been testing the limits with me, by blatantly telling me "no" when I ask you to do something or by throwing full blown tantrums when things don't go your way. you're only three, but a smart three. although you had three tantrums in a row...today alone...we were victorious! my heart just broke as I heard you screaming and crying so loudly because I wanted to comfort you, but you weren't looking for comfort. you were looking to see how far this could be carried out and how your mommy would respond. would I yell? would I scream and cry like you? would I slam the door or roll my eyes? only by the grace of God did we come out victorious today. because the Lord kept me calm and you finally surrendered. I sat on the edge of your bed and we talked about it. you acknowledged what you had done wrong and asked me to forgive you. you also apologized to daddy and baby brother and then we all prayed together. you sweetly sang, "the Lord is good to Madeline...Jesus help Madeline to use her words and not scream anymore. AMEN!"

the Lord allowed this day and these battles to occur, but for what? we may never know. but I learned much about our interactions today and I had to lean on the Lord for every minute of the battle. because we are not each other's enemy, but the one who is against us is very real. many more battles will come, some easy and some difficult, but we will continue to fight together, my lovely little girl.

I sat tonight reflecting on the day and am blessed that we enjoyed the rest of our evening so peacefully. but even more than that, I'm so blessed that God chose me to be your mom and that I have experienced you, in the wonderful fullness intended to be shared between mothers and daughters. I remember your birth pretty vividly, how tiny and lovely you were when you came into this world. I remember holding your tiny, sleeping body on my chest after one of your feedings. I remember bringing you home and not getting any sleep....for weeks! I remember nursing you in your room, listening to soft music and just taking in the wonder of your new life.

and I remind myself that even though you are growing up and developing your own mind and ideas of doing things, that you are still my little baby girl. and how much more I love you with each day, especially after winning such battles that are only meant to destroy us.