aka "grouch"

I don't know what it is inside of me that wells up so big and so fast that I don't know where it came from and I don't know how to keep it contained. I've been reading Dennis Prager's book Happiness Is A Serious Problem and one of his main premises is that we have a moral obligation to be as happy as possible. Imagine being a child growing up with an unhappy parent or imagine a parent with unhappy children. There is a sense of helplessness in not being able to help someone else feel better. Prager also points out that it is easier to remain unhappy than it is to make a concerted effort in your mind to be happy.

I have been trying to keep his words at the forefront of my mind. Yet I still fail in choosing grumpiness because I'm frustrated with my circumstances. Prager says that we are not to pretend we are happy. We will have many situations where we will need to face and address our negative feelings, and that is perfectly normal and acceptable. The problem lies when we allow our negative feelings to take over, giving them full reign in how we speak to and treat others.

I had a rough week. But I think I made it worse than it could have been. The hardest moments were when I knew my children were watching me, wondering why it's okay for mom to act grumpy when I tell them that they can be sad, frustrated, angry, etc. but that they can still choose to act kindly toward others.

Hypocrisy is a painful vice to fight. I used to hope that my children would grow up never remembering those moments "when mom was such a grouch!" But now I hope that they not only remember them, but that they bring it up as a way to tease me about how silly I was to act that way.

I don't want to be afraid of my failures. I know they are there and I know they are intended for me to learn from. I hope that my children will be able to both laugh and learn from them.