your first six months

My Sweet Evan...






How can I even begin to describe the joy you have brought to my life since the day I knew you were going to join our family?

I am excited to see your smiling face every morning, and watch you flail your arms with sweet anticipation, knowing that I'm going to pick you up. And on other mornings, I can see your little head peeking up trying to see over your crib wondering when you're going to start your little day.

I love watching you get stronger as you sit up more and more on your own. When I'm nursing you, I try to read books to your big sister and you like to reach far back behind you and touch the book. You want to be right in the middle of everything. You love watching your big brother and sister play all around the house, and your little eyes are just bright with energy and readiness to join them.

I love how you look for me; you can hear my voice and you overwhelm me with your sweet smiles. I love the way your sweet little hands grab my face, pulling me close to your wet little kisses. And I'm enjoying your gummy smiles and coos - once you get teeth, I know you're on your way to little boy-hood!

You have been eating solids for a couple of months now, but have begun to realize that we are eating yummy food that you want for yourself. You enjoy chewing on anything you can get your hands on (big sister's underwear and pink baby, big brother's toy dinosaurs and even mommy's knees!)...but you especially enjoyed the pizza crust Auntie let you chew on to scratch your gums last week!

I love your giggles when I kiss you under the neck.
I love the way you bury your face into my neck and chest for a snuggle.
I love how you roll around the room and I have to look for you when I come back into the room.
I love your bright blue eyes.
I love your sweet baby scent.
I love that you always want to be close to me.
I love your relaxed spirit (except when you're hungry - watch out!).
I love hearing you talk and coo.
I love your wild hair that has a mind of its own.
I love all your roly poly rolls all over your sweet baby body.
I love carrying you around while I try to cook and clean, knowing that my hip is your favorite place to be.
I love watching your little legs jump up and down in your bouncer.
I love you more than you will ever know or understand until you become a dad someday.

Looking forward to the next six months and beyond.

silly Grant

Grant's new thing is to say in one big breath: Thank you Mom....welcome! I like how he covers both sides of gratitude.

like mother, like daughter

I found this picture of myself as a little girl....it reminded me of Madeline...I see myself in her.

question of the day

Madeline asks me: Mom, will my thumb grow into a finger? What about my pinky?

if mama ain't happy...

I don't know why I sometimes get a bad case of the grumpies. Nathan says nothing is wrong with me, I just need some down time. But when I finally get some free time, I usually end up cleaning, putting laundry away, or some other task that I have gotten behind on. I've been struggling with just feeling down.

Why do I feel down some days even though I'm doing exactly what I've always wanted to do?

I look at my kids and I just love them to pieces. But I sometimes let my moods dictate our moments and pretty soon I realize that DAYS have passed and I'm still in a funk. Am I stuck as a moody person? Can I pray myself out of it?

At least one of our children has been waking up each night for the last couple of weeks. I'm exhausted. So when I laid down to take a nap the other day and Maddie came in and woke me up to tell me she had to go "poo-poo" I was a teeny-tiny bit frustrated. I tried to keep myself in control and told her she needed to just take care of business on her own and to please quietly go back to her room while I rested.

Later, I apologized for yelling at her. She quickly looked up at me and said, You didn't yell at me! You just used a little bit grouchy voice. And I prayed for you. I asked Jesus to help you not to be mean.

Grace is a wonderful thing. So is compassion...especially coming from my 4 year old.

Lord, please live through me. I can't do this alone. Please take away my grumpies.

happy anniversary, jered & heather!

remember how happy jered was to go on this boat trip with all of us in Maui?

I remember...hahahahaha!

a weekend to remember...

happy birthday, sweetie!

before we left for the beach...

guess what I'm doing, mom?




in the meantime, this is what Madeline & Grant were doing...

off to the beach

It is Nathan's birthday this weekend, so we're taking the kids down to the beach for a few days of rest and relaxation...well realistically, there won't be any rest or relaxation, but plenty of yummy food and special time with just our little family.

a promise

Madeline declared to me this morning I am not going to have a husband! I'm going to stay with you forever!!

my big boy Grant

I love my son. And I cherish how much he adores me at this little stage of his life. He is constantly asking me to give him luvies and patting the ground next to him inviting me to have a seat right by his side. He is talking more than ever, copying everything that Madeline says. He knows how to make us laugh. He even gets the jokes we think will go over his head. He's my little mystery boy - I never know what kind of day we're going to have, but I do know that there will be lots of dirt involved, a handful of dinosaurs and cars, a repeated request for cho-co-lat ilk (as he says it) and many laughs.

rough day

Madeline and I were playing in the bathroom...we were filling the sink with water so she could give her big Barbies a bath. We couldn't figure out how to let the water out since the drain hole plug was hard to get open. Without knowing any better, she picked up a long stick and then quickly threw it down and screamed a blood curdling scream.

She picked up my hot curling iron.

Here's my baby after her daddy wrapped each one of her burned fingers in gauze...after she had soaked them in cool water for almost 4 hours. She didn't dare take them out because the pain was too great and she thought her blister would pop! Thankfully, she willingly went to her bed, knowing her dad would read her a book and rub her back until she fell asleep.

Poor baby.

my little bat-baby

already making his daddy proud

a visit from Uncle Brian

I was so touched that my little brother came to visit me and play with my kids. For an 18-year-old to get down on the floor and wrestle in a pool of toy balls meant the world to me. Thank you for sharing part of your day with us, Uncle Brian! And by the way, I'm so sorry for the terrible things I did to you when you were a helpless toddler...like trip you, watch you fall to the ground and then laugh at you. Bad sister! Thanks for not giving me paybacks with my own kids!

new meaning

for the term bending over backwards...

mother's day

a day of
extra hugs
extra kisses
thank you's
i love you's

celebration

We enjoyed a lovely Saturday dinner together with the Kirk's and Koppel's...







Grant and Uncle Steve looked for "roheee-poheee" (roly-poly bugs)







Auntie sang to Evan while pushing him in his favorite swing







Nana and Grant played on the swing together







Poppy gave Evan luvies







Thank you, my sweet husband, for giving so much to make it a special evening.

who am I?

Madeline and I enjoy playing the I See Something (or I Spy) game...I suggested that we spruce the game up a bit and play the Who Am I game. I almost couldn't keep my composure when I described the mystery person...I have brown hair and blue eyes. I walk around saying "Buckey-Buckey! Ooh-Ooh, Aah-Aah" and I scratch underneath my arms.

She laughed and said, GRANT!

my five month old

Evan is trying to sit up by himself...already!!

My little monkey toppled over right after I took his picture, but he was happy to be readjusted to sitting position again...and then he toppled over again.

He's not concerned about progress; he's just happy to be right in the middle of all the action.

positive reinforcement

Madeline and I ran a few errands today. On our way home she says Mom, you get a sticker. You were good today.

I proudly wore my Trader Joe's sticker for the rest of the day.

happy (belated) birthday, grandma!

We think you're wonderful! Hope you had an extra special day!




Madeline drew this picture - I don't know if you recognize yourself in it, but Madeline says it's a picture of grandma, but with long hair...grandma and grandpa are dancing at the ball!

reading time

Madeline has just recently begun to put letters together and read. I have never taught anyone to read and so while I feel a little uncertain, it is enjoyable to have that time with her. Sometimes I can't hold back laughing when she sounds out a word with letters that aren't there (for example, the word was had and she said Horse). I worry that I'm going to hurt her feelings, but then she laughs just as hard as I do. Tonight we were in one of our laughing spells and she said We're cracking up. We're just like hyenas!

bedtime with mommy

Usually at night, Nathan and I divide and conquer in order to have a more peaceful bedtime routine. He usually rocks Grant and rubs his back and I usually read/sing to Maddie while nursing Evan before bed. Tonight, however, Grant wanted his mommy. No matter what Nathan did, he wanted me!

We sat on the rocking chair and played with his elephants, hippo, rhino, baby dinosaur and piggy. Then we found all their eyes, ears, noses, backs, tails and toes. He gave me hugs and kisses, only to leave me melted. Such a big boy now, but still needing special time with his mommy...I absolutely love it.

stopped in my tracks

This morning I was rushing around before Heather and the boys arrived. I had kept my calm pretty well, up until about 20 minutes before they arrived. Grant was crying because he wanted to go outside and play with his cars and trucks. But he had a stinky bottom that needed cleaning not to mention a change into warmer clothes from his jammies. He was completely melting down and I could feel myself start to lose it. I picked him up and carried him to his bedroom and let him finish his meltdown in his bed. I was sighing and walking from one end of the house to the other, trying to keep my cool. I heard little princess shoes following quickly behind me. I looked up and saw her big green eyes staring at me.

Mommy, your kids are not bad. Why are you mad at us?, she said very quietly.

She's four years old. And I'm 31. Sometimes her wisdom pulls the rug right from under my feet.

Even though I tried to give her my long winded explanation, I knew that I hurt her feelings by the way I acted.

I still owe her an apology.

Even though I didn't lose my temper verbally, my body language spoke volumes of unkindness.

I'm thankful that the Lord brought this back to mind...He's giving me another chance for reconciliation. I struggle with pride, and I pray that He will continually show me where I've been hurtful to my children.

i love lucy

My kids love lucy! Just the other night Grant started crying because he wanted to keep watching another episode of I Love Lucy when it was time for bed. I wondered What 2 year old wants to stay up and watch an old black and white program? And Madeline doesn't get half the jokes, but she cracks up just watching Lucy's silly acts and costumes. I bet Lucille Ball never could have dreamed that her show would be enjoyed by preschoolers almost sixty years after they began filming the show.

And I still laugh out loud even though I've seen these episodes over and over again.

a day with friends

Heather, Zeke and Zane came to visit today - thanks so much for making that 2 hour round trip drive to see us!

Here's what our conversations used to be like...

Heather: How are things going?
Me: Fine...how about you?
Heather: Pretty well...just enjoying the warm weather.

Here are our conversations now:

Heather: How are things--wait a minute--Zeke! Stop touching Madeline!
Me: Things are fine, just busy--Madeline, please stop tattling. Is Zeke hurting you or himself? Then don't worry about what he's doing--anyway, how's Jered?
Heather: He's doing well - oh I think I hear Zane waking up - just a minute, okay?

Being mommies of little ones keeps us as busy as ever. I was thrilled that we actually got in some good conversation today. Thanks for going through this process with me, chaos and all!

You're a great friend.


and I just love these little monkeys - chunky monkeys!

cinco de mayo

I didn't even remember that it was Cinco de Mayo until my Auntie said they were going to be cooking up some carne asada...it didn't take us long to get over there. Yummy food, sweet company and just a relaxing visit all around. Thank you for your loving hospitality - we love coming to your house! Grant really enjoyed moving all of your rocks around the yard, while Madeline finally overcame her snowball fears! And remember she told us that she was going to be afraid of snowball until she was 60? Whew! On to conquering the next fears - snails and dead spiders!! And as we drove away, Grant said Bye, Auntie...Bye, Jen...Bye, Chocolate...Bye, Cake!

Thanks for a wonderful time, Auntie, Uncle Steve, Jen & Kevin!

Bravo, Madeline!

This past week I've been preparing for my second annual piano recital. This time we held it at a local church that has been attended by Nathan's family for generations. In fact, his great grandparents donated the piano we used today. The last few days Madeline has been saying that she was going to play in the recital. I didn't want her to feel pressured so I would just nod and agree with her and encourage her to practice for a few minutes each day, which she gladly did.

As the big day arrived today, the biggest thrill was not only standing in front of the audience, while they breathed in the music my little students so wonderfully played. That was a wonderful highlight and it brought absolute joy to my heart to see them perform so well, especially knowing how nervous they all were. (I was nervous too!)

My biggest thrill was watching my sweet little girl sit down on that shiny black piano bench and play Sho Heen Sho and Hot Cross Buns followed by her daddy giving her a bouquet of flowers.

luvies

Grant has been very attached to me lately. He will just run up and wrap his arms around my legs, look up and say Luvies! Luvies!

How can I resist such a demand?

Adam and Eve

Madeline is so funny because she gets into these kicks and wants to hear the same stories or read the same books or watch the same movies over and over and over again. So her latest kick is hearing the story of Adam and Eve, how they were married and lived in the Garden, and then sinned against God by eating the fruit. And as I went on to describe the result of their sin she blurted out something to the effect of They ate the fruit and then got naked!

friends

I'm a recovering perfectionist.

I realize that the reason I have so few close friends is because of my own fear of rejection. I am afraid of not being good enough or having them find out what I'm really like (gasp!).

I cherish the friends that I do have. I believe that each one of them plays a vital role in my life, whether we've been friends for months or years. I have come to believe that it is essential to have other friends that are moms, to remind me that I'm not a nut and that we're in this together. I also love and enjoy my friends that are not ready for children because they bring an excitement and exuberance to life, reminding me that there are so many fun things that I can still do and enjoy.

God created me to be His friend...I can't even fathom that. And yet this is what I describe to Madeline all the time. I love that He has given me other friends to go through life with, those women that I don't have to pretend with. They are a true reflection of who the Lord is.