rethinking my game plan

I have a super adorable child who hugs and kisses me without restraint, who asks me to sleep with him and sing songs until he gets sleepy, who says, "Okay, Mom" when I ask him to do something.

Then there's the other side of Evan.

If you tell him "no" when he has his mind on doing it anyway, watch out.  I took all three kids to the eye doctor for Madeline's first eye exam.  We hadn't been there even 10 minutes when Evan got upset because, well, now I can't even remember what it was that bothered him so much.  I told him to settle down and he looked at me, pointed and said, "No chocolate YOU!"  He was letting me know that I was not getting any chocolate for the way I was handling him.  And what could I say to that?  What I wanted to do was hand out chocolate to the other kids and eat a handful of it myself right in front of him and then see what his response would be.  That was my childish fantasy - mostly because I was embarrassed of his behavior because of how it was reflecting on me.

He calmed down for a little bit until it was time to clean up the toys and leave.  He started screaming, swinging at me, stiffening his body, and then proceeded to take off both of his shoes and throw them.  And I'm trying to pay for the doctor visit, gather the other two kids, protect my growing belly from the flying shoes, and inside I was seething that this little monkey was acting so wildly.

I carried him out of the office over my shoulder while he screamed profanity (two-year-old style, of course, telling me I could have no chocolate) and I was thinking of how I was going to handle him once inside the car.  I couldn't lecture him because he can't listen that long or comprehend paragraphs of how he needs to change his behavior.  I didn't want to resort to a swat because he was beyond out of control and it would have done no good.  I was wondering what my other two were thinking of the situation - was their baby brother getting away with murder when they know exactly how they're expected to behave.  I sometimes condemn myself because I lack the energy to be consistent in disciplining and guiding this little one who has such life and energy inside him, while at the same time has so much anger and frustration when he doesn't get his way?  Which is every single day, by the way.  No exaggeration.

I went to the library today and picked up a copy of The Strong-Willed Child by Dr. Dobson...already read the intro.  He says that most of us feel bewildered when we find ourselves watching our little ones fight against us and we wonder how we got here.  He says that reacting without a game plan is like landing a plane at night without runway lights.  How true.  I know that books don't solve everything, but hopefully it will help shed light on how I can better deal with and handle these daily meltdowns.

My other resolution is to pray for him every day.  I have been praying for him before he wakes up and after he falls asleep at night.  They're short, simple prayers:  Lord, please give me wisdom in connecting with Evan.  Help me to discipline and guide him without crushing his little spirit.