Celebrating your 4th year!

 

Already a big four year old and already asking me when you're going to have your "five year old birthday"...I'm having a harder time with you growing up than I thought I would. We had quite a year together watching you transition and grow in outstanding ways.

You started off the year celebrating your third birthday on your very first trip to Disneyland. You dressed up in your Sleeping Beauty dress and took in the sights with awe and wonder, especially as we watched the princess parade. You weren't too sure about the Lion King rhino and almost had a panic attack as it approached us. Thankfully, we all survived. You absolutely LOVED riding Small World and Dumbo. This day would begin our year of many adventures at Disneyland and California Adventure together.

You also began attending preschool just weeks before your third birthday. Your teachers were Miss Maria and Miss Jenny. You weren't thrilled to be there when I dropped you off, but the teachers and director assured me that you played and relaxed the minute I left the room. You always greeted me with a great big smile and a big shout of "Mommy!!" every time I picked you up. As the weeks went on, you became more comfortable in this foreign but fun environment. I was always anxious to hear about your adventures. One thing Miss Kim (the director) shared with me was "Madeline will never be bullied by anyone" explaining how you so eloquently expressed yourself to the teachers any time another child invaded your personal space. This was very reassuring to hear because I always want you to have the courage to speak up - which you do...frequently!

In October, Nana drove out and we went on an adventure to the pumpkin patch with your preschool. Even Daddy was able to come that morning. Thinking back to that time, I realize how difficult it was for you because you enjoyed the interaction with the other children yet you struggled to separate from us (especially mommy) during that time. What a time of change for you.

In November, we did the Christmas walk downtown and you were mesmerized by the singing and dancing group of girls that performed that night. I then realized how much you enjoy the entertaining arts and began to wonder what direction you might pursue for yourself. Singing? Dancing? Acting? Hard to say, but you have quite an imagination and a very beautiful voice.

In December, after celebrating the holidays, we took a 2 week trip to Hawaii with Oma and Pops. You really enjoyed the flight, being on a big airplane and all the adventures you experienced on the trip. We visited your great Grandma and Grandpa Kirk while we were there. Grandpa hardly interacts anymore because of his illness. You couldn't understand why he wouldn't speak to you. You kept trying to draw him out by talking to him and carefully placing stuffed animals on his lap. He finally made an attempt to speak to you and you were so thrilled and you exclaimed, "Grandpa's not shy anymore!"

We also got matching outfits while there, which thrilled you to no end because you and mommy had the exact same "girly" clothes. You have been very concerned about my wardrobe, asking me why I wear pants more than dresses. You ask me why I want to look "handsome" and not "beautiful." Interesting question...I just feel more comfortable in pants, while you would live in dresses and skirts if I let you!

In January we returned home, back to our little reality. We began going to Our Time on Fridays, where we get to play and do wonderful crafts together. It was special because Grant went into the nursery while I was able to give you my full attention. You really thrived on the one-on-one time and I realized how much your little life had been affected by adding a little brother to our family. You have always loved him, but with reservation...very normal indeed after being the center of attention and then being forced to share attention and affection from mom and dad. One of the most memorable experiences we had during this month was going to the El Capitan theatre in Hollywood and watching Mary Poppins on the big screen with Nana. You were in complete awe. Although you'd seen the movie several times before, you'd never experienced it at this level, with "Mary Poppins" there to greet us at the beginning of the movie, eating popcorn and singing along with all the songs in the movie - what a memorable day for us! Especially because that is one of my favorite childhood movies, as it reminds me of Grandma Ruby, someone you only knew for the first 12 months of your life (but whom you will meet again someday).

In March, we were happily surprised to find that you would be a big sister again. You were so cute in telling everyone that "Jesus put a baby in my mommy's tummy." It was even more hilarious to have friends come up to me and say almost completely doubtful, "Madeline said that you have a baby in your tummy...is that true?" Yes, of course it was true because my little Madeline never lies...well, we'll talk more about that later. You have grown so much in your intellectual capacity and ability to express yourself. You've always been eloquent, but your gift of words and expression continues to be self-evident in everyday life. You're not trying to impress anyone; you're simply stating facts and life as you see it. Bravo, sweet Madeline!

One thing that became evident as we talked about having a new baby in the house was some anxiety you were having. You asked me, "When the baby comes, do I have to leave?" I couldn't understand why you would ask me this, but then remembered that I had been on bed rest with Grant for the last several weeks of my pregnancy and you had to stay with family. I hadn't realized what an impact that had had on you, and that you had remembered our separation so vividly. I have prayed that the Lord would not allow me to go on bed rest again; I don't think I could deal with it either. That was one of the hardest times in my life - being away from you day after day, counting down the minutes until we would be reunited again.

In April, we went to a local pet store and played with a little toy poodle puppy with white fluffy hair, which you quickly grew attached to and named "Puppy Jack." You carried him around the store and told everyone he was your new puppy. Although Daddy wasn't thrilled with the cost and responsibility of having a dog in our house (again), seeing you love on that little puppy warmed us both up to the idea. You sat with him, played with him, cuddled him, picked him up (and practically choked him with your hugs), read to him and pet him with so much love. And that was only after 5 days. On the sixth day he became very ill and we had to take him to the animal hospital, and he passed away from parvo only 10 days after we brought him home. You and I both cried because we had grown so attached to him. Even now, several months later, you tell me that you're sad because "I miss my puppy Jack." We've tried to explain that he lives in heaven with Jesus, and that he's not sick anymore, that Jesus is taking care of him until it's time for us to live in heaven too. You've accepted this, but still your heart longs for him at different times. This was a big loss for you this year.

During the summer we enrolled you in ballet class. You loved the clothes more than anything: the black leotard, white tights, black shoes and especially the sparkly black ballet skirt. You really had no interest in listening to the teacher. You just studied the other girls and reveled in your beautiful clothes.

Something that really turned your world upside down was having your new baby brother this year. He didn't really begin to annoy you until he began walking around, touching (and sometimes destroying) all of your toys. You sometimes get frantic and start picking up every toy in his path and quickly run them to your room and shut the door. I was beginning to worry about your dislike toward him until we went away for a month long vacation this summer in Hawaii, where he was the only person your age to play with. You began to change your view of him, and I've watched you look at him with anticipation and excitement, waiting for him to do something naughty which makes you giggle with delight. I think you sometimes live through him, knowing that since he's still somewhat a baby, he gets away with certain behaviors you would be held accountable for because you're older. You're constantly encouraging him to live the wild life, giggling by his side and waiting to see how mommy's going to react. I love watching this interaction between the two of you. Something that you won't see for a long time is how much he adores you. He mimicks and copies many of your actions, and follows you around. He knows that you are very protective of certain toys and items in your room and he waits for you to go to preschool and then searches through your room, touching all the forbidden items while you're not around. I just watch him, making sure that nothing gets broken in the process.

Something that you have enjoyed this year is getting acquainted with Shirley Temple movies. Since we don't watch regular television, this has been a source of pure pleasure for you, watching a little girl sing and dance her little heart out.

This fall you re-entered preschool, but this time as a big four year old in Ms. Rachel and Ms. Roberta's class. The question is whether or not to gear you toward kindergarten next fall or allow you one more year of preschool.

All in all, I look back at the last year and see just how much you've grown up...amazingly. I'm constantly learning from you and realizing just how much you learn from me; not so much what I say, but how I act. You are not afraid to hold me accountable to the standard I hold for you. You remind me when I'm being "grouchy" or using a "yelling voice" and you wait to get my full attention, making sure that my eyes are focused right on yours. Last night you said, "I see myself in your eyes" and you smiled at your reflection. That phrase goes so much deeper, and it's something that I can say about you too. You've really become more independent of me this year, while still holding me close within arm's reach. Something I wish to do more of is just to sit and be with you, no expectations, no plans, no worries of things I "must" get done. That is my goal for the next year with you.

I love being your mommy.